It was the kind of day when I wonder why in the world I continue to do what I do.
Why are we full-time volunteers in missions, in ministry? Why do we live off the donations of our generous supporters who partner with us in the work? Why do we not go out and get real jobs and real salaries? Why do we give our working years to an unknown cause with unpaid staff? This is what the world asks, and some days, to be honest, I do too.
I know the answer. And I know we’ve always had enough. And I know that this is what we are called to do. (That is not to say our work is better or more important than a salaried job, it is just our particular calling at this present time.) And I know that He provides all of our needs. I need only look back at the last decade of living this way to see that, but on this particular day, I really understood how the Israelites felt when they asked Samuel to give them a human king instead of “only” having I AM.
We’ve just moved back to the States from our home in Asia where we lived for the past 10+ years. Our roles in missions and ministry have changed as well as our support. Things have been tight. I know that it will all balance out again, but on this particular day, I was wondering how. I know God will provide because in all of our years of living by faith, He always has been 100% faithful. But on this particular day, I needed to believe again, to be reminded again of His goodness.
On this particular day, I identified with the Israelites being led around by an unseen God, moving into the Promised Land, viewing the outward security that a physical, human king offered to all the nations around them and desiring that as well.
I looked up teaching jobs online. What would it take to renew my license? What would the hours be? The pay? The benefits? I looked longingly at the list of benefits laid out before me: medical, dental, various other insurances offered for me and my family. Sigh…what a vulnerable act to follow around an invisible God through this world. How tempting it is to want to make our own visible securities.
And the Lord granted Israel what they asked. He gave them a king. It was not His highest choice for them, but He gave them what they wanted. We don’t feel released at this time to go back to work. Maybe one day, that will be the right step for us, but I sense in my spirit that the time is not now. So I have a choice: will I continue to look to Him to open His hand and provide, or will I make my own fire?
Don’t we all have this choice? Most likely, you do not have the exact set of circumstances that we have (that would be weird), but most likely it is something. A choice where you can take the easy path, the one accepted by society, that would make your life more comfortable and “secure” (as if there is anything more secure than opting God’s way) or you can choose the path you know the Holy Spirit is drawing you into, the one that may require some type of sacrifice, or discomfort or even hardship. And you might not even see the reward or the point of it until eternity. And God will love you just the same whichever path you choose, but don’t we know that peace and true fulfillment are only found in His footsteps?
And so I closed my laptop and laid down the earthly benefits that a paid job would give me here, in faith that the One who shepherds us will not leave us in want.
No matter if we can see the pastures that He’s preparing or not, we believe they are there and that He will show us the way.
