Love, sex, and relationships. These 3 topics must be the source of most of the world’s joy and most of it’s pain. From a toddler’s tantrum to a full-blown world war, we need to know how to navigate these waters.
These three “wisdom points” are all taken from Dean Sherman’s book, Relationships: The Key To Love, Sex, and Everything Else.* It is awesome! It offers very solid wisdom on how to approach these huge areas of life. And it does much more than just give rules or guidelines but cuts to the heart of the issue.
Here’s 3 takeaways from this book that I’ve personally benefitted from in my life:
1. Attraction is a gift that must be stewarded.
I’ve talked with many young people who have come to the conclusion that the gift of attraction must actually be a curse. I’ve felt the same in the past as well.
But attraction is a gift from God. Everyone’s attraction gift is unique. We are not all attracted to the same person. Attraction is how we form friendships and how we choose whom we will date and eventually marry.
Attraction has both a romantic and a non-romantic part. We are attracted to the people who become our friends as well. We find a commonplace in interests, humor, and conversation.
It’s also normal and good to be attracted to people physically. That is how God made us. And we don’t have to let the gift of attraction control us. We can control it. We do not have to fall in love with everyone person to whom we are attracted. That is preposterous!
I am a married woman. I find my husband attractive, but I also find other men attractive. Is that wrong? No. Of course not. Even when I read the Bible, God tells me David was handsome. Just because I find another person attractive does not mean I’m sinning. It’s only when I want to use them for my own selfish desires.
We need to understand more about this gift of attraction in our modern-age.
2. A sexual act is not meant to be just a physical thing.
If we are believers in Jesus, we have the Holy Spirit dwelling within us. That means that our spirits and our bodies are connected. We cannot separate the two. When we have sex, body, soul, and spirit merge together.
Marriage is meant to represent the relationship between Jesus and us, the Church. Sex is the most intimate act that we can partake in with another human. It’s important that we understand this. Many people do not. I don’t believe that we are accountable for what we do not know, but I do believe that there will be effect in our lives from our actions, both good and bad effects. Jesus is able to cleanse and heal all of our past mistakes, but the best way is to avoid the pain all together.
My hope is that people, and particularly young people who are at a time in life when sexual desire is the strongest, will come to understand this truth in more profound and widespread ways.
God’s good gift of sex is meant to be channeled into a purposeful and loving act in a committed relationship. He gives us guidelines and boundaries so that no one will get hurt.
The best sex should belong to those that walk closely with God because He is the One who created it. It’s meant to be the most intimate relationship between two people to represent Jesus and His bride.
3. We should be going into a relationship to serve, not out of a sense of need.
When I discovered this truth, my mind was blown! I didn’t even realize that I had always gone into relationships looking to meet my own needs! But that way ends in frustration.
Once I was whole in Jesus and understood that I am meant to approach relationships asking, “How can I serve?” I found that my needs were met as well.
Mainstream culture will fashion us to believe that it is all about us. That the perfect relationship will meet all of our needs and desires for intimacy and safety and whatever else we want. There’s no possible way that two broken people can do this for each other. God would never allow it. He is the only one that can love us endlessly and 100% self-sacrificially.
The end of the book includes a study guide, and it is well worth it! The topics covered are so needed in our individual lives and in our society.
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