During this present furlough, we have been staying with my father on his 10 acres just outside of my hometown in Colorado. In the spring, there are usually 2 herds of wild turkeys that descend upon his field and stay, ironically, until just before Thanksgiving.
The other day I saw one of the female turkeys wandering in the field, calling out for the rest of the flock. I thought she was lost and was trying to find the group, but my Dad informed me that she was the reject. She had only laid one egg (or at least only one of her chicks survived) this past spring, and so she was disdained by the rest. Whenever she would come to look for food with the others, they would chase her off. I was so angry when I found this out that I secretly hid out of the turkeys sight to observe if this was true. I watched the lone hen approach the flock and sure enough, the largest turkey of the flock chased her away.
Well, I for one was not going to sit idly by while one of the greatest injustices of the world occurred right before my eyes, so I ran out and threw pinecones at the ones who were snubbing her. I’m sure that my calculated efforts produced much repentance and godly sorrow in their hearts.
But we as superior humans are different from the animals…right? Alas, how similar we can be! How quick we are to congregate with those who are like us and shun those who do not measure up to our standards, and more specifically do not fit into our social classifications. The church can be one of the hardest places for this. In all of our good efforts to praise and support families and strong marriages and children and parents, have we overlooked those that don’t fit into our groups? What about the couple struggling with infertility? The woman who won’t stand to be applauded on Mother’s Day but actually has 3 children in heaven due to miscarriage? The man who is walking through a divorce? The parents of a prodigal son? The single, middle-aged woman? If we look honestly at our churches and our gatherings, is there a place for these people? Jesus made a place for them.
I’m not against specialized teaching to help build marriages, or having men’s Bible studies or women’s retreats, but has it become so polarized that unless people comfortably fit into one of these groups, they would rather just sit out of church all together? I hope not, but the reality in many of our churches is, yes. I’ve talked to various single friends who are lonely and find it difficult to connect because there is no “group” for them. Too old for the young people’s group and too single for the couples group, they worship alone. Others are shunned because they are divorced. Couples who are seen as less than whole because they don’t have kids when in fact they’ve been hoping for years. Have we forgotten in Christ there is no male or female, no parent or non-parent?
People have value. Regardless of their status. Married people have value. Single people have value. Parents have value. Childless people have value. Equal value. This is not the Animal Planet. It is not a hierarchy of who can produce the most, whether it be wealth or children. God is not looking for factories. We do not have to wait for marriage or kids to be whole and happy and all that God wants us to be. Yes, celebrate marriage and celebrate children. But let’s not think we have to wait for everyone to have both marriage or children to be fully Christian or fully satisfied. Jesus had neither. Paul had neither. Mother Teresa had neither. They definitely did not sit around waiting until the “right one” came or children were born to begin living their lives and fulfilling their destinies.
We are all waiting for something, but our lives are now, in whatever situation we are called. Let’s make room for each other, not assuming that we can’t become close with someone at a different in life than us. May I never get to the place of thinking that I can only be friends with mothers of children my age. I love my mama friends, but I love my single friends too! And my non-parent friends. And my male friends. Let’s be free in our relationship and be INCLUSIVE in our gatherings. That’s how our Father’s table will be anyways.
