We have many unspoken stereotypes for those of the male gender, and sadly in the Church as well. And I get it. I grew up around terms like “he’s all boy” or “he’s a boy’s boy”. And though I appreciate the sentiment, I’ve weaned them from my conversations.
I used to think nothing of these types of descriptions, having grown up aside a brother with whom people could not help but describe in this way. We all know the type: always in the mud, loves playing with trucks, jumping off things, constantly building forts or fox holes or whatnot. It’s said with pride and affection and meant well.
But after working in missions overseas for the past 10 years, marrying a man who carries a passport different to mine, and especially after having a my own son, my cultural definitions of what a man should be have been shaken. I have been forced to think long and hard about the impact of describing boys in this way.
What does it mean to be a “boy’s boy”? It seems harmless enough, but what does one do if he finds himself male and doesn’t like slinging mud in all directions, assembling every stick into a sword, or rolling toy tanks over dolls (did other brothers do this)? Should he feel like less of a man if he doesn’t care for football or fast cars? How does a male with different interests fit into a society that has very strict guidelines as to what a boy (or girl) should be like?
In China, where I’ve lived for more than a decade, there are different gender rules. Men are much more affectionate with each other. I’ve learned there that a male placing his hand on another male’s thigh is merely a sign of friendship. And two women walking around holding hands is generally a sign of platonic friendship as well. These are just 2 small examples of the vast amounts of cultural rules and allowances that each culture determines.
God should. His Word is the standard by which we are to set our lives. Why? Because, though beautiful and intriguing, culture can be wrong.
As workers in an international, cross-cultural context, we strove to measure our own cultures with the culture of the Kingdom. If it’s of God, keep it. If it’s not, we (not God) must change. By doing this, we have authority to ask those whom we lead, who come from various backgrounds, to do the same.
I’ll admit it. I used to cringe when I (American) discovered my husband (European) had never been trap-shooting, prefers to have quiet conversations with a friend over coffee than engage in a rowdy beer-drinking-fests, and has no aspirations of owning a pickup truck. I was not used to having men act like this. I was insecure. I felt uncomfortable because my own cultural prejudice jaded my view of what is acceptable for a man to do or not to do. I’d been conditioned to view men as masculine in only one light. But God, in His mercy, has used my non-American husband, my third-culture kids, and my friends from around the world, to heal my eyes, and to heal my heart.
These kind of skewed judgments don’t just affect our children and their mental health. Ideas have consequences. It’s already being played out in our economy. Just recently I came across an article in The Economist that stated the same: “Working-class men need to catch up. Women have learned that they can be surgeons and physicists without losing their femininity. Men need to understand that traditional manual jobs are not coming back, and that they can be nurses or hairdressers without losing their masculinity”.[*]
By defining gender according to the world’s terms, we dishonor God. Isn’t He the same God who put within one man a desire to drive tanks as well as in another a love for impeccable fashion? If we fail to honor the way God made the men in our lives (whether His design makes us feel comfortable or not) we fail to honor God. We must learn to give people more space to be who they were created to be, regardless if they fit in our gender boxes or not.
*The Economist, March 30, 2015. Print Edition. “The Weaker Sex”. http://www.economist.com/news/leaders/21652323-blue-collar-men-rich-countries-are-trouble-they-must-learn-adapt-weaker-sex
Well said. Brooke.
Thanks, Ron!
Well said. Brooke.
Thanks, Ron!
You’re quite right and have articulated the insight very well. Thanks B.
Thanks, Elaine. I appreciate that!
You’re quite right and have articulated the insight very well. Thanks B.
Thanks, Elaine. I appreciate that!
Brooke, as the mum of four boys, the title of your post jumped off the page at me! From the time they were tinies, I tried to read books to them that had strong female protagonists so that they would know that there was a great wide world of girls out there who were worthy of their respect . . . and I’m so thankful for my husband who models and holds up a biblical view of manhood. So important to infuse “boy culture” with heavy doses of TRUTH.
Yes, I love that idea of keeping strong female characters around them. My son was recently picking up from some of his friends that “boys do this and girls do this”. While I realize that part of this is a natural way of understanding our differences, I always like referring him to male and female superheroes- they each have special abilities, but they are strongest as part of a team! Thanks for reading!
Brooke, as the mum of four boys, the title of your post jumped off the page at me! From the time they were tinies, I tried to read books to them that had strong female protagonists so that they would know that there was a great wide world of girls out there who were worthy of their respect . . . and I’m so thankful for my husband who models and holds up a biblical view of manhood. So important to infuse “boy culture” with heavy doses of TRUTH.
Yes, I love that idea of keeping strong female characters around them. My son was recently picking up from some of his friends that “boys do this and girls do this”. While I realize that part of this is a natural way of understanding our differences, I always like referring him to male and female superheroes- they each have special abilities, but they are strongest as part of a team! Thanks for reading!
As a mom of girls and only girls, this was very fascinating! Thanks for the educational perspective…stopping by from Party At My Place!
Thanks for stopping by, Elizabeth!
As a mom of girls and only girls, this was very fascinating! Thanks for the educational perspective…stopping by from Party At My Place!
Thanks for stopping by, Elizabeth!
I couldn’t agree with you more here, Brooke. My 13 year old son is the extreme opposite of most of the stereotypical boy traits. I love that he knows it really doesn’t matter. He’s just himself and we are all thrilled with who he is. Amen to this: “By defining gender according to the world’s terms, we dishonor God.” Absolutely!
I couldn’t agree with you more here, Brooke. My 13 year old son is the extreme opposite of most of the stereotypical boy traits. I love that he knows it really doesn’t matter. He’s just himself and we are all thrilled with who he is. Amen to this: “By defining gender according to the world’s terms, we dishonor God.” Absolutely!
Such an informative and interesting perspective, Brooke. I would have to agree with you, culture should certainly not dictate gender roles in our society. I love that your relationship to your husband opened up your views on this–what a perfect match you two truly are 🙂 Thanks for sharing this with us on #shinebloghop this week. 🙂
Yes, it’s amazing how God puts just the right people in your family to help you see more of who He is! Thank-you for stopping by! And for sharing at #shinebloghop!
Such an informative and interesting perspective, Brooke. I would have to agree with you, culture should certainly not dictate gender roles in our society. I love that your relationship to your husband opened up your views on this–what a perfect match you two truly are 🙂 Thanks for sharing this with us on #shinebloghop this week. 🙂
Yes, it’s amazing how God puts just the right people in your family to help you see more of who He is! Thank-you for stopping by! And for sharing at #shinebloghop!
very interesting post. I have a little girl who loves superheros and dinosuars. I spend a lot of time thinking and writing about the stereotypes little girls are burdened with, but not much about boys. #shine
They have a way of undoing our preconceived ideas, don’t they?! Thanks for reading.
very interesting post. I have a little girl who loves superheros and dinosuars. I spend a lot of time thinking and writing about the stereotypes little girls are burdened with, but not much about boys. #shine
They have a way of undoing our preconceived ideas, don’t they?! Thanks for reading.
Thank you so much for sharing at Waiting on…Wednesday! We hope you’ll join us again tomorrow!
Holly @ While I’m Waiting
Thanks, Holly! I’m planning on it!
Thank you so much for sharing at Waiting on…Wednesday! We hope you’ll join us again tomorrow!
Holly @ While I’m Waiting
Thanks, Holly! I’m planning on it!