Some guys are meant to be ex-es. It’s as simple as that. Some men are just not ready to be husbands because they have not yet developed 3 of the essential qualities that all good husbands should have. These are not personality traits. They are character traits that can be learned and developed as a person matures.
Dating done right can be a good and healthy way to find someone with whom you would like to spend the rest of your life. It’s important to have boundaries as you set out on this path, but as get to know different men, you begin to understand what you do (and what you don’t) want in a relationship.
So is he husband material or should you stop at boyfriend? Maybe you should put your guy to the test!
1. Good husbands know how to listen well.
You don’t even have to date someone to discover if he’s a good listener or not. Observe how he is around other people. When he’s in a group, does he always have to be the center of attention? Does he always have to have the right answer? Does he get offended when his suggestion is not taken?
Some people listen to others merely to develop the next point in their argument. Good listeners seek to understand. They ask questions. They are not flustered if they have to repeat themselves or word their thoughts in a different way.
Watch how he talks to his friends. Watch how he listens and responds to those in honor positions- his boss, his teachers, his parents. Does he just give lip service and then talk behind their backs? Does he actually take correction?
How he responds to people with whom he disagrees will show you clearly how he will respond to you if you were to ever marry him. There will definitely be moments of conflict. It would be unhealthy not to have any disagreements. What’s important is how he is able to work through them.
2. Good husbands are self-controlled.
People can appear very self-controlled when they are trying to impress others, but what is he like when others are not watching?
It may feel silly to think about this when you are just dating, but these types of habits die hard. Does he have or has he had any addictions? Look, no one is perfect, but now that I actually know what marriage is like, I would not step foot into a relationship with a man who has not had some level of breakthrough in this area of self-control. Unless you can see that he has been free of any former addictions for a good length of time, I would not invest anymore into him. It’s not because you want to be harsh. It’s because you want to be wise and guard both your heart from someone who is not yet ready to handle it.
How does he spend his free time? Everyone needs to relax and have down time, but is all of his free time spend in meaningless activities? Does he take care of himself? Does he do anything for anyone else?
How does he respond to frustration? This is probably the surest sign of where a person is at on the self-control scale. If his car breaks down or he doesn’t get promoted or he’s accused of something, does it totally deflate him? It’s normal to feel angry in these types of scenarios, but people who have developed the strength of self-control are able to manage their own anger to a certain degree that will not devastate those around them.
Sure, everyone blows it sometimes. We all treat each other poorly at times, but try to assess if the man that you are into is like this only some of the time or if this is his common response to life’s annoyances.
Self-control might not seem that important when you are dating, but I truly believe it is one of the most essential qualities that a husband should have. This will determine how he takes care of you, of his kids, of himself, of his habits. If he has not matured in this area, wait for him to do so or find someone who has.
3. Good husbands are kind.
Kindness goes along way. How does your man treat others?
True kindness is revealed when one has nothing to gain from another yet still treats him well.
How does he interact with the waitress? Is he patient if he has to wait for his food? Is he polite even if he can’t get what he wants? How does he treat those he oversees? Does he treat them with respect? Is he looking out for them, wanting them to succeed, even at times to his own disregard?
How a man treats others clearly shows you how you will be treated in the future, especially if you marry and your relationship becomes utterly comfortable. Will he still be kind? Will he put you above himself? Will he honor you and respect you? Will he listen to what you have to say and consider your opinion? Or will he assume he is always right and look out only for number 1?
These are all characteristics that can be seen before you commit yourself to another person. Be wise and look out for them along the way. They will show the true character of a man.
My husband is not perfect, but he possesses all of these characteristics. I’m so gratefully I by-passed the boyfriends who had not yet matured in these areas and waited for a man who did. I prayed that I would find a man like him, and God answered my prayers!
You might also like 3 Essential (but overlooked) Qualities to Look for in a Spouse.
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